The full article from The Star newspaper:
Family now comes first for formerly ‘busy’ doctor who lost his son
By LIM WEY WEN
wwen@thestar.com.my
KLANG: After losing his son in May, skin specialist Dr Ko Chung Beng no longer works on Sundays. Instead, he spends more time with his family.
“When I looked at my son's ashes, I realised that when you leave this world, you can't bring anything that you have worked so hard for with you.
“Now, family is the most important thing in my life and my work comes second,” he said.
Although reliving the moment prior to his son's death is painful, Dr Ko does not mind going through the anguish rather than see another child die a senseless death.
Better days: This recent photo of Dr Ko and Steven is still part of a collage on Dr Ko’s clinic wall. Dr Ko now shares his sad experience with others so other parents do not make the same mistake. — Photo courtesy of Dr Ko
“Painful as it is, if what happened to me can be a lesson to other parents, and if it can help to save lives or improve parent-child relationships in this country, then I feel that something positive has come out of this sad incident,” said Dr Ko in an interview.
Steven, his 24-year-old son, was found dead at the ground floor of a shopping mall multi-storey car park in Penang in May.
Since then, Dr Ko has been frank about his feelings and thoughts over Steven's death.
“My regret is that like many other parents, I was always busy working. I felt that I had not spent enough time with my children to guide them and teach them about life.
“I think that was why Steven tended to spend more time with his friends and became very reliant on friendships,” he said, adding that the reliance might have made Steven value those friendships even more than life.
It is due to this that Dr Ko has repeatedly called on parents in press interviews and talk circuits to spend more quality time with their children especially when they are young.
“Have a lot of heart-to-heart talks, share your feelings and thoughts.
“When you are having deep conversations you are connected. And when you are connected, you can communicate,” he added.
Dr Ko also lamented that the young today might be suffering from overemphasis on academic qualifications.
“Parents tend to overemphasise on IQ development, but we musn't neglect the EQ (emotional quotient) and character-building component which is more important,” he said.
He said parents must ensure that children read books that teach them about life rather than just focusing on books related to exams.
Dr Ko and his daughter Emily both love books, and they now dream of building a public library in memory of Steven.
He also urged children to always remember that their family should be more important to them than friends.
“They may feel more comfortable with friends with whom they share many common interests, but if they face any problem, they should share it with their parents because parents have more experience in life,” he said.
Dr Ko also reminded parents never to take signs of distress lightly.
“When your children tell you that they feel lost, it is no joke. Drop everything and spend time with them until they tell you why because it can be very serious,” he said, adding that Steven had also said that he felt lost some weeks before his death.
“When I looked at my son's ashes, I realised that when you leave this world, you can't bring anything that you have worked so hard for with you.
“Now, family is the most important thing in my life and my work comes second,” he said.
Although reliving the moment prior to his son's death is painful, Dr Ko does not mind going through the anguish rather than see another child die a senseless death.
Better days: This recent photo of Dr Ko and Steven is still part of a collage on Dr Ko’s clinic wall. Dr Ko now shares his sad experience with others so other parents do not make the same mistake. — Photo courtesy of Dr Ko Steven, his 24-year-old son, was found dead at the ground floor of a shopping mall multi-storey car park in Penang in May.
Since then, Dr Ko has been frank about his feelings and thoughts over Steven's death.
“My regret is that like many other parents, I was always busy working. I felt that I had not spent enough time with my children to guide them and teach them about life.
“I think that was why Steven tended to spend more time with his friends and became very reliant on friendships,” he said, adding that the reliance might have made Steven value those friendships even more than life.
It is due to this that Dr Ko has repeatedly called on parents in press interviews and talk circuits to spend more quality time with their children especially when they are young.
“Have a lot of heart-to-heart talks, share your feelings and thoughts.
“When you are having deep conversations you are connected. And when you are connected, you can communicate,” he added.
Dr Ko also lamented that the young today might be suffering from overemphasis on academic qualifications.
“Parents tend to overemphasise on IQ development, but we musn't neglect the EQ (emotional quotient) and character-building component which is more important,” he said.
He said parents must ensure that children read books that teach them about life rather than just focusing on books related to exams.
Dr Ko and his daughter Emily both love books, and they now dream of building a public library in memory of Steven.
He also urged children to always remember that their family should be more important to them than friends.
“They may feel more comfortable with friends with whom they share many common interests, but if they face any problem, they should share it with their parents because parents have more experience in life,” he said.
Dr Ko also reminded parents never to take signs of distress lightly.
“When your children tell you that they feel lost, it is no joke. Drop everything and spend time with them until they tell you why because it can be very serious,” he said, adding that Steven had also said that he felt lost some weeks before his death.
cheers,
JoANnE
JoANnE
Below is my comments:
Well, I have read this news from Sin Chew, despite Dr Ko bought brand new sport car for his son, his son ended his life at young age due to breaking off with her girl friend
There are many lessons we can learn from his story, incl
1)Do not neglect EQ. Children learn the best by learning from those people surrounding them or mass media.
2)Material cannot buy real happiness
3)Parents should not try to fulfil 100% of whatever their children's need , as once they can't get what they desire, they will not accept the reality
4)To have a good parent-child relationship. Building good relationship with kids by having heart-to -heart talks since young, as it is very ackward to start later. If kids refuse to share, parents can guide by sharing their feeling/thoughts first with their children
5)Be sensitive to children's feeling or facial expression. Do not take signs of distress lightly.
This story again reminded me to what Teacher Chai Li Xu always mentioned in his lectures. ie:
The most important thing in life is not making money, but to educate our children to be a wholesome being(至要莫若教子) (a human being who know how to differentiate right and wrong. Di Zi Gui have given a set of clear guidelines on do and don't for a good person) In order to be a good person,the FIRST thing a person must do is to be filial to our parents. Among them we should not commit any actions or speech that will bring shame or worries to our parents.
I find we are so lucky to live in Malaysia, as almost everyday there will be lessons at Chung Hua Cultural Education Centre (M) at The Heritage,Seri Kembangan(opposite the Mines) which give us so much wisdom from ancient Chinese.
Every Monday and Wednesday night 8-9.30am (mandarin class)
Thurdays night 8-9.30(english class)
Friday night 8-9.30(music class)
Sat afternoon(2-5pm)(traditional chinese class.古文班)
Their contact no is 03-89382799
email:mlj@dizigui.com.my
website:www.dizigui.com.my.
If you have a facebook, you can like cai li xu (蔡礼旭) homepage, there will be a cartoon series which promote moral values, which I find is a very good education tool in teaching moral value
to our children.(with English wordings)
Nowadays with the advancement of technologies, lots of talks/lessons are easily accessable from website or youtube.
Puai Chai School SS2 PIBG also very kind in arranging a series of FREE PARENTING talks in ENGLISH on selected Saturday at their school auditorium to spread ancient Chinese wisdom.The speakers are normally from at Chung Hua Cultural Education Centre (M) too.
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