When that man went to claim the 10 dollar, he told her that she must pay him 10 dollars,as he had done the job for three times.The lady fainted once she heard about it.
The moral of this story is :
Brothers and sisters should be caring among each others
We cannot be too calculative as we will suffer from our own behavior.
Monday, August 10, 2009
a good moral story to share with
Once upon a time, there were 3 brothers who looks very alike and also hunchback. However,the eldest brother was very selfish. One day, the eldest brother's wife invited both her brother in law for lunch as his husband was away in town. While eating half way, the eldest brother came back.In order not to let the husband found out she had invited his brother for lunch,she hid them in a cupboard. After a few hours,when she open the cupboard,both of them had died. So, she called someone to throw the body into the sea.She agreed to pay that man 10 dollar,once he had done his job. When the person came to claimed the 10 dollar,she cunningly showed him another body and told him that he had not done his job properly,so could not give him money. Out of no choice,that man threw the second brother into the sea again. However on his way back, he saw a hunch back man and looks similar with the dead body. He was so puzzled that how come a dead person can be alive.However,he decided to kill him with a sack and threw him again,otherwise,we won't get any pay.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
"How to really love your children"-a very good book
Recently I read a book “How to really love your child' by Dr.Ross Campbell.It is really a good parenting book.Among the points are:
Home wins hands down in every case.the influence of parents outweighs every things
However,how a child turn out also depends on 9 congenital(present at birth) temperaments,These temperament can be modified by child's environment;nonetheless, the personality do not change easily,can persist through out life.The 9 congenital temperaments are:
1.Activity level (motor activity inherently that determine how active/passive)
2.Rhythmicity(regularity versus irregularity)
3.Approach or withdrawal (when a kid response to new stimulus)
4.Adaptability
5.Intensity of reaction is the amount of energy used in mood expression
6.Threshold of responsiveness is the intensity level of stimulus requires to make response
7.Quality of mood(positive mood versus negative mood)
8.Distractability identifies the effect of extraneous environment on direction of ongoing behavior
9.Attention span and persistence
No matter what type of con temperament a child have,the type of parenting is more important in determining how a child will do.
The most important relationship in the family is the marital relationship. The better the marital relationship, the more effective and gratifying will the application of later information.
A wife can be wonderful at accepting love INITIATED by her husband,amplifying it many fold,and reflecting to him and the children.
The foundation
real love is unconditional,&shd be evident in all love relationship.
Every child want to know of his parents 'Do u love me'? Usually they ask this emotional questions mostly in his behavior, not verbally.If we love our child unconditionally,they feel the answer is yes. By his behavior, a child told us what he needs, whether it's more love,more discipline,more acceptance, more understanding.
Each child has emotional tank.Only if the tank is full can a child be expected to be at his best or do his best,happy,reach his potential and response appropriate to discipline
Whose responsibility to keep the tank full? Parents.
The main problem is parents do not know how to convey their love to their children.
How to show our love?
1) eye contact n physical contact.
This will ease the child fear and anxiety,and increase the confidence and sense of security.This will enable him to learn better
2)focus attention
giving child full,undivided attention in such a way that he feels without doubt that he is completely loved.
Real happiness is founded in family orientation-spiritual family then physical family.God,spouse and children.These are essential.
IT IS A CRITICAL NEED EACH CHILD HAS.
HOW?
Set a side time to spend with him alone.Good child rearing takes times. We must pay a price for it.We must find time to spend with each child.
As children grow older,this time of focus needs to be lengthened.If these times of focused attention were begun early in a child's life,he accepts it very naturally and finds it much easier to share emotional things with parents.What is worse than having a troubled child who can't share feeling with you.
Focused attention is the most powerful means of keeping a child's emotional tank full of investing in his future.
APPROPRIATE AND INAPPROPRIATE LOVE
Child needs a superabundance of appropriate love but no inappropriate love.
The most common types of inappropriate love are
possessiveness(tendency of parents to encourage a child to be too dependent on his parents
seductiveness
vicariousness (living one's life or dreams through the life of a child)
role reversal(parents turn to their infants and small children for nurturing and protection.
We must make every attempt to prevent times when we are unable to nurture our children.this may mean better care of our bodies to prevent illness and fatigue,sensible diet,plenty of rest and exercise.
Looking out for emotional helath by engaging in hobbies or other refreshing activities to prevent depression or mental exhaustion.
Spiritual health== meditation,pray
A CHILD ANGER
pleasant incl loving kindess,optimism,refraining from instilling fear or anxiety in the child,esp our own anger
Firm incl fair expectation with consistency, does not mean rigidity and inflexibility.It considers the child's age, abilities and maturity level.
Discipline,What is it?
Love n discipline cannot be separated, the punishment is a very small part of disipline
making a child feel loved is the first and most important part of good discipline.
Application of behavioural control techniques without a foundation of unconditional love is barbaric and unscriptural.
What is discipline?
training a child in mind and character to enable him to become a self controlled, constructive member of society.
Guidance toward right thought and action is far superior to punishment for wrong action.
Discipline is immeasurably easier when the child feels genuinely loved. He will accept his parents' guidance without hostility and obstructiveness.
What does it involve?
Guidance by ex,modelling,verbal instruction,written request,teaching,providing learning n fun experiences.
If there is anything we don't hv to worry abt,it's giving a child too much love.(make yr children strong,the answer is unconditional love
Children basic personal,modes of thinking,style of speech and other critical traits are well fixed by the age of 5
Uncontrolled anger is detrimental to good discipline.The better discipline a child is,the less punishment will be required.How well a child response to dis depends primarily on how much the child feels loved and accepted.so our biggest task is to make him feel loved and accepted.
What do u think enables a happy,well adjusted teenagers to control his behavior? His conscience.If u want yr child to develop a normal responsive conscience which will enable him to control himself,thnn refrain from building relationship with him on a punitive basis-by controlling his behavior primarily by spanking and scolding,esp spanking
positive guidance to good behavior is far superior to negative punishment for poor
behavior.Most behavior in a child is determined by how much he feels loved.
WHAT does this child need?
We should ask ourselves this question when our child misbehaves.not asking “What can I do to correct this child's behaviour'.By asking WHAT does this child need?. Then we can proceed logically from there.Only then we can take care of the misbehavior,give him what he needs, and permit him to feel genuinely loved.
Misbehavior shdn't be condone,but if it is dealt with in an appropriate way,that is ,too harshly or too permissively,you're going to hv problem with the child.Yes, we must check misbehavior.We must not tolerate misconduct.But the first step is not punishment.Punishment is occasionally necessary but because of its negative effects from over-use,punishment shd be used Only AS A LAST RESORT.it is far ,far better to handle misbehavior positively,esp with genuine love and affection,than to punish a kid,esp with corporal punishment.So,the 1st step in any situation is to make sure a child's emotional needs are met.Again,a child's emotional tank must be full before caring parents can take other action.It is better to correct misbehavior by giving a child what he needs-eye contact,physical contact,focus attention,water,food,a relief of pain,or treatment of illness,rather than punishment.
LEARN TO FORGIVE
The most destructive time to punish a child for his misbehavior is when a child feels genuinely sorry for what he has done.
1st,if a child is already sorrowful for his inappropriate act,his conscience is alive and well.He had learned fr his mistake.A good cons is the best deterrent to repeating misbehavior.
2nd,punishing a child under these circumstance could produce feeling of anger.
DISCIPLINE-(requests,commands,
REQUEST.
Proper behavior fr a child is required 1st by requesting it.This is the most +ve way to achieving good behavior.More importantly,requests instil a sense of personal response in a child.
DIRECT INSTRUCTION/COMMANDS
accasionally,use this if when child fail to carry out our request
You're misuse of yr power n authority over him.His future happiness and welfare are heavily dependent on how u use parental authority over him.
WARNING:the more parents use such authoritative technique as commands,scolding,nagging or screaming,the less effective they become.
It is important to maintain pleasaness with a child by considerate,reasonable request as much of the time as possible
A CHILD MEMORY
A child is much more emotional than cognitive.He remember feelings much more readily than facts
Every child loves a story
Share yr spiritual life
Home wins hands down in every case.the influence of parents outweighs every things
However,how a child turn out also depends on 9 congenital(present at birth) temperaments,These temperament can be modified by child's environment;nonetheless, the personality do not change easily,can persist through out life.The 9 congenital temperaments are:
1.Activity level (motor activity inherently that determine how active/passive)
2.Rhythmicity(regularity versus irregularity)
3.Approach or withdrawal (when a kid response to new stimulus)
4.Adaptability
5.Intensity of reaction is the amount of energy used in mood expression
6.Threshold of responsiveness is the intensity level of stimulus requires to make response
7.Quality of mood(positive mood versus negative mood)
8.Distractability identifies the effect of extraneous environment on direction of ongoing behavior
9.Attention span and persistence
No matter what type of con temperament a child have,the type of parenting is more important in determining how a child will do.
The most important relationship in the family is the marital relationship. The better the marital relationship, the more effective and gratifying will the application of later information.
A wife can be wonderful at accepting love INITIATED by her husband,amplifying it many fold,and reflecting to him and the children.
The foundation
real love is unconditional,&shd be evident in all love relationship.
Every child want to know of his parents 'Do u love me'? Usually they ask this emotional questions mostly in his behavior, not verbally.If we love our child unconditionally,they feel the answer is yes. By his behavior, a child told us what he needs, whether it's more love,more discipline,more acceptance, more understanding.
Each child has emotional tank.Only if the tank is full can a child be expected to be at his best or do his best,happy,reach his potential and response appropriate to discipline
Whose responsibility to keep the tank full? Parents.
The main problem is parents do not know how to convey their love to their children.
How to show our love?
1) eye contact n physical contact.
This will ease the child fear and anxiety,and increase the confidence and sense of security.This will enable him to learn better
2)focus attention
giving child full,undivided attention in such a way that he feels without doubt that he is completely loved.
Real happiness is founded in family orientation-spiritual family then physical family.God,spouse and children.These are essential.
IT IS A CRITICAL NEED EACH CHILD HAS.
HOW?
Set a side time to spend with him alone.Good child rearing takes times. We must pay a price for it.We must find time to spend with each child.
As children grow older,this time of focus needs to be lengthened.If these times of focused attention were begun early in a child's life,he accepts it very naturally and finds it much easier to share emotional things with parents.What is worse than having a troubled child who can't share feeling with you.
Focused attention is the most powerful means of keeping a child's emotional tank full of investing in his future.
APPROPRIATE AND INAPPROPRIATE LOVE
Child needs a superabundance of appropriate love but no inappropriate love.
The most common types of inappropriate love are
possessiveness(tendency of parents to encourage a child to be too dependent on his parents
seductiveness
vicariousness (living one's life or dreams through the life of a child)
role reversal(parents turn to their infants and small children for nurturing and protection.
We must make every attempt to prevent times when we are unable to nurture our children.this may mean better care of our bodies to prevent illness and fatigue,sensible diet,plenty of rest and exercise.
Looking out for emotional helath by engaging in hobbies or other refreshing activities to prevent depression or mental exhaustion.
Spiritual health== meditation,pray
A CHILD ANGER
pleasant incl loving kindess,optimism,refraining from instilling fear or anxiety in the child,esp our own anger
Firm incl fair expectation with consistency, does not mean rigidity and inflexibility.It considers the child's age, abilities and maturity level.
Discipline,What is it?
Love n discipline cannot be separated, the punishment is a very small part of disipline
making a child feel loved is the first and most important part of good discipline.
Application of behavioural control techniques without a foundation of unconditional love is barbaric and unscriptural.
What is discipline?
training a child in mind and character to enable him to become a self controlled, constructive member of society.
Guidance toward right thought and action is far superior to punishment for wrong action.
Discipline is immeasurably easier when the child feels genuinely loved. He will accept his parents' guidance without hostility and obstructiveness.
What does it involve?
Guidance by ex,modelling,verbal instruction,written request,teaching,providing learning n fun experiences.
If there is anything we don't hv to worry abt,it's giving a child too much love.(make yr children strong,the answer is unconditional love
Children basic personal,modes of thinking,style of speech and other critical traits are well fixed by the age of 5
Uncontrolled anger is detrimental to good discipline.The better discipline a child is,the less punishment will be required.How well a child response to dis depends primarily on how much the child feels loved and accepted.so our biggest task is to make him feel loved and accepted.
What do u think enables a happy,well adjusted teenagers to control his behavior? His conscience.If u want yr child to develop a normal responsive conscience which will enable him to control himself,thnn refrain from building relationship with him on a punitive basis-by controlling his behavior primarily by spanking and scolding,esp spanking
positive guidance to good behavior is far superior to negative punishment for poor
behavior.Most behavior in a child is determined by how much he feels loved.
WHAT does this child need?
We should ask ourselves this question when our child misbehaves.not asking “What can I do to correct this child's behaviour'.By asking WHAT does this child need?. Then we can proceed logically from there.Only then we can take care of the misbehavior,give him what he needs, and permit him to feel genuinely loved.
Misbehavior shdn't be condone,but if it is dealt with in an appropriate way,that is ,too harshly or too permissively,you're going to hv problem with the child.Yes, we must check misbehavior.We must not tolerate misconduct.But the first step is not punishment.Punishment is occasionally necessary but because of its negative effects from over-use,punishment shd be used Only AS A LAST RESORT.it is far ,far better to handle misbehavior positively,esp with genuine love and affection,than to punish a kid,esp with corporal punishment.So,the 1st step in any situation is to make sure a child's emotional needs are met.Again,a child's emotional tank must be full before caring parents can take other action.It is better to correct misbehavior by giving a child what he needs-eye contact,physical contact,focus attention,water,food,a relief of pain,or treatment of illness,rather than punishment.
LEARN TO FORGIVE
The most destructive time to punish a child for his misbehavior is when a child feels genuinely sorry for what he has done.
1st,if a child is already sorrowful for his inappropriate act,his conscience is alive and well.He had learned fr his mistake.A good cons is the best deterrent to repeating misbehavior.
2nd,punishing a child under these circumstance could produce feeling of anger.
DISCIPLINE-(requests,commands,
REQUEST.
Proper behavior fr a child is required 1st by requesting it.This is the most +ve way to achieving good behavior.More importantly,requests instil a sense of personal response in a child.
DIRECT INSTRUCTION/COMMANDS
accasionally,use this if when child fail to carry out our request
You're misuse of yr power n authority over him.His future happiness and welfare are heavily dependent on how u use parental authority over him.
WARNING:the more parents use such authoritative technique as commands,scolding,nagging or screaming,the less effective they become.
It is important to maintain pleasaness with a child by considerate,reasonable request as much of the time as possible
A CHILD MEMORY
A child is much more emotional than cognitive.He remember feelings much more readily than facts
Every child loves a story
Share yr spiritual life
1.
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