HOW TO HAVE A HAPPY LIFE ?

Base on ancient Chinese wisdom, our happiness are depending on whether we are having right views about life.Also how much we have put these view into practice in our daily life.

Below are some of the right views that will promote our overall happiness


1。Believe that everyone is originally have a good heart.坚信人之初，性本善。
2。No matter what we face, we must always understand the root causes面对任何境界，时时明白原因
3。Must follow the great sage's teaching , not follow our worries and bad habits要随圣贤教诲，不随顺自己的烦恼和习气。
4。Everything are subject to cause and effect.if we can know the  root causes and consequences of everything,then we are very close to have the wisdom. The root cause is morality.「物有本末，事有终始，知所前后，则近道矣」。根=德行
5。Only if we can master our EMOTION,then we are able to master our FUTURE.掌握情绪，才能掌握未来。
6。The most important question to ask is"whether we have done rightfully? whether we are good enough? ' We must not expect others to be right and good first. As when we have tried our best to do our responsibilities and not expecting anything from others, we won't have complaints. 自己对不对，自己好不好，最重要，先不要求别人。正己而不求于人，则无怨。
7。We should look for ways to achieve success. Don't  find excuses for failure.宁为成功找方法，不为失败找理由。
8。We  ourselve must lead by example and let our good example be our children's guide. If the father is kind, the son will be filial,the whole family will be prosperous. Among the good value to be passed on are: filial piety, hard work, diligent and obedient.以身教与德行来承传家风。「子孝父心宽，家和万事兴」
「孝悌为传家之本，
勤俭为持家之本，
谨慎为保家之本，
和顺为齐家之本。」
「若真修道人，不见时间过」
If we accuse each others, it will be lose lose situation
「各自责，则天翻地覆」
The most blessed one are those who are willing to accept noble teaching from the sage
福在受谏， 肯接受圣贤教诲的人，最有福。
The happiest person is who not commit any guilty actions. Those who are sincere in their actions will enjoy true happiness
「大乐莫如无愧怍，至诚乃得经纶」
Forget about others' illwill or bad speech/actions to us. Do not ill treat others. Do not indulge ourselve with worldly enjoyments, be kind to every living beings
「不念旧恶，不恶人，不染世乐，慈悲一切。」
We should reflect if our morality have touched our subordinates?
1) Have we lead by example
2)Do we take care our subordinate as we treat our own people?
 3) Have we seized every opportunity to guide/teach them?
反省自己的德行，有否感动下属？自己是否有做到君，亲，师？
君：是否有以身作则，树立好榜样？
亲：是否有爱护下属如自己人一样？
师：是否有把握时机引导他们，教诲他们？
9。We must always care for the harmony for all. Do not forget our 'initial heart'.The whole  'Di Zi Gui' teach us to be controlable on our bad habits. Eg when our parents scolded us, we must learn to accept  their scolding. Every couple when married are having intention to bring happiness to their spouse, so do not forget the 'initial heart' by getting divorce easily, and cause injuries in kids. Lately many incidents of teenagers commit suicide were from single parent family. They have conveyed a message that they need a warm family.

A mother inlaw should regards her daugther in law as her own daughter.
A daughter inlaw must treat her mother inlaw as her own mother.

If a wife quarrel with her husband, she should not go back to her parents house to complain. instead should make sure she has done her duties in managing  her family.
以大局为重，不忘初心。
弟子规，从头到尾都教育我们忍住习性。如父母责，须顺承。
许多夫妻当初结婚，都是为了要给对方幸福，所以要「不忘初心」不要轻易离婚，伤害无辜的孩子。最近，常发生单亲家庭的孩子自杀，他们只期待一个温暖的家。
好婆婆把媳妇视如己出的爱心。
好媳妇把婆婆当自己的妈妈看，和先生发生吵架，不能回去娘家。把家里打理好。
10。Whenever we encounter problems or anything do not match our wish, we should try to ask ourselve, which area shall I improve? where is my weakness? How shall I improve? Reflect on our actions and forgive others. When we realise that our kids' bad behavior is coping our behabior. When we realised that it is not easy for us to rectify the bad bahavior,then we will be more tolerance and accepting our kids. Only if we WANT to CHANGE,the we CAN GUIDE our kids to change.
When we understand the person growing background or we know that they have no chance to learn good morality and hence  commit wrong actions/speech. When we started to compassionate them and not culculative with them, we forgive them for hurting our feeling.
By disolving the conflicts, we are creating good karma. If everyone blame ourselve, instead of others, the world will be  a peaceful place for all.

行有不得，反求诸己。
反省自己，原谅对方。当我们发现孩子的习气是拷贝了我们，当我们了解要改变自己的习气并非易事，我们会更包容及接纳孩子，唯有自己想改变，才能引导孩子改变。
当我们了解一个人的成长背景，或他们因为无缘接触善知识而造业，我们因为悲悯他们的处境，而不跟他们计较，他们言行举止上对我们造成的伤害，原谅他们。
化解冲突，结善缘。「各自责，天清地宁」
倘若你认为以上的内容很好，想进一步阅读，你可上www.xuefo.net.或到中华文化教育中心索取免费流通的DVD。

Comments on The Star's article Family now comes first for formerly 'busy' doctor who lost his son

The full article from The Star newspaper:                 

Family now comes first for formerly ‘busy’ doctor who lost his son

By LIM WEY WEN
wwen@thestar.com.my

KLANG: After losing his son in May, skin specialist Dr Ko Chung Beng no longer works on Sundays. Instead, he spends more time with his family.
“When I looked at my son's ashes, I realised that when you leave this world, you can't bring anything that you have worked so hard for with you.
“Now, family is the most important thing in my life and my work comes second,” he said.
Although reliving the moment prior to his son's death is painful, Dr Ko does not mind going through the anguish rather than see another child die a senseless death.

Better days: This recent photo of Dr Ko and Steven is still part of a collage on Dr Ko’s clinic wall. Dr Ko now shares his sad experience with others so other parents do not make the same mistake. — Photo courtesy of Dr Ko

“Painful as it is, if what happened to me can be a lesson to other parents, and if it can help to save lives or improve parent-child relationships in this country, then I feel that something positive has come out of this sad incident,” said Dr Ko in an interview.
Steven, his 24-year-old son, was found dead at the ground floor of a shopping mall multi-storey car park in Penang in May.
Since then, Dr Ko has been frank about his feelings and thoughts over Steven's death.
“My regret is that like many other parents, I was always busy working. I felt that I had not spent enough time with my children to guide them and teach them about life.
“I think that was why Steven tended to spend more time with his friends and became very reliant on friendships,” he said, adding that the reliance might have made Steven value those friendships even more than life.
It is due to this that Dr Ko has repeatedly called on parents in press interviews and talk circuits to spend more quality time with their children especially when they are young.
“Have a lot of heart-to-heart talks, share your feelings and thoughts.
“When you are having deep conversations you are connected. And when you are connected, you can communicate,” he added.
Dr Ko also lamented that the young today might be suffering from overemphasis on academic qualifications.
“Parents tend to overemphasise on IQ development, but we musn't neglect the EQ (emotional quotient) and character-building component which is more important,” he said.
He said parents must ensure that children read books that teach them about life rather than just focusing on books related to exams.
Dr Ko and his daughter Emily both love books, and they now dream of building a public library in memory of Steven.
He also urged children to always remember that their family should be more important to them than friends.
“They may feel more comfortable with friends with whom they share many common interests, but if they face any problem, they should share it with their parents because parents have more experience in life,” he said.
Dr Ko also reminded parents never to take signs of distress lightly.
“When your children tell you that they feel lost, it is no joke. Drop everything and spend time with them until they tell you why because it can be very serious,” he said, adding that Steven had also said that he felt lost some weeks before his death.

cheers,
JoANnE

Below is my comments:

Well, I have read this news from Sin Chew, despite Dr Ko bought brand new sport car for his son, his son ended his life at young age due to breaking off with her girl friend

There are many lessons we can learn from his story, incl

1)Do not neglect EQ. Children learn the best by learning from those people surrounding them or mass media.

2)Material cannot buy real happiness

3)Parents should not try to fulfil 100% of whatever their children's need , as once they can't get what they desire, they will not accept the reality

4)To have a good parent-child relationship. Building good relationship with kids by having heart-to -heart talks since young, as it is very ackward to start later. If kids refuse to share, parents can guide by sharing their feeling/thoughts first with their children

5)Be sensitive to children's feeling or facial expression. Do not take signs of distress lightly.

This story again reminded me to what Teacher Chai Li Xu always mentioned in his lectures. ie:

The most important thing in life is not making money, but to educate our children to be a wholesome being(至要莫若教子) (a human being who know how to differentiate right and wrong. Di Zi Gui have given a set of clear guidelines on do and don't for a good person) In order to be a good person,the FIRST thing a person must do is to be filial to our parents. Among them we should not commit any actions or speech that will bring shame or worries to our parents.

I find we are so lucky to live in Malaysia, as almost everyday there will be lessons at Chung Hua Cultural Education Centre (M) at The Heritage,Seri Kembangan(opposite the Mines) which give us so much wisdom from ancient Chinese.

Every Monday and Wednesday night 8-9.30am (mandarin class)

Thurdays night 8-9.30(english class)

Friday night 8-9.30(music class)

Sat afternoon(2-5pm)(traditional chinese class.古文班)

Their contact no is 03-89382799

email:mlj@dizigui.com.my

website:www.dizigui.com.my.

If you have a facebook, you can like cai li xu (蔡礼旭) homepage, there will be a cartoon series which promote moral values, which I find is a very good education tool in teaching moral value

to our children.(with English wordings)

Nowadays with the advancement of technologies, lots of talks/lessons are easily accessable from website or youtube.

Puai Chai School SS2 PIBG also very kind in arranging a series of FREE PARENTING talks in ENGLISH on selected Saturday at their school auditorium to spread ancient Chinese wisdom.The speakers are normally from at Chung Hua Cultural Education Centre (M) too.

BMHA Understanding depression with kindness forum.

6th July, 2012- I attended a special forum organized by KL Buddhist Mental Health Association(BMHA) with the title, "Understanding Depression with Kindness." Itwas a very informative and inspiring forum, whereby Dr. Phang Cheng Kar (psychiatrist& president of BMHA) explained that depression is more than just occasionallow mood - it is a serious psychological illness! Among the main common symptoms of depression are persistent feelings of sadness with crying spells,easily tired, and lost of interest in doing things. More serious symptoms include suicidal thoughts or attempt. Dr. Phang stressed that just like physical illness,patients who have depression can use antidepressant medication to treat their depression effectively. Antidepressant is non-addictive and safe. However, effective treatment of depression should be individualized and include non-medication strategies. Thirty minutes of daily exposure to sunlight can brighten up mood.Regular exercise, (e.g. brisk walking at least 3 times a week, 30 minutes eachtime) stimulates the production of feel good chemicals in the brain. Healthy eating habit with balanced nutrition is important. Moderate coffee consumption(not more than 2-3 cup a day) may be helpful for boosting energy (provided thatyou do not have anxiety symptoms, able to tolerate coffee, and don't take it atnight). Food rich in omega fatty acids, e.g. fish, soy milk, canola oil arenourishing for the depressive brain. Counselling and more specializedpsychotherapy, (e.g. cognitive behavioural therapy - CBT) are also helpful. Friends and family support is extremely important. Dr. Phang ended his sharing by giving a meaningful quote, "If you have depression, it does not mean that you are weak - it probably means that you have been too strong for too long." It is crucial for patients with depression to 'ACCEPT' their illness with kindness and seek for professional help. This message was echoed by all the three special guests, who had experienced the dark moments of depression, and sharing their experience inthe forum. Venerable Kumara(Buddhist monk and meditation teacher from Sasanarakkha Buddhist Sanctuary)explained that, from a Buddhist perspective, the root cause of depression ismental defilements like craving and aversion. In this state, the wholesome qualities of the mind, such as confidence, energy and wisdom, are weak. Hence,it is very important to increase the wholesome qualities. In line with this,BMHA has developed"3G-Gratitude," which is card game for cultivating these beautiful qualities. The moderator, Ms. Low MiYen (clinical psychologist) then invited 3 specials guests, all Sisters who hadgone through depression to share on how they discovered their illness, cope with it, and their friends and family had supported them. The first Sister sharedthat she started off with mood swings, crying most of time and having suicidal thoughts. She was referred by her general practitioner to a psychiatrist for further assessment. She was given a set of questionnaires to answer and wentthrough a thorough interview. Both 'tests' showed that she had depression. For the second Sister,she was having negative personality since young. She had a few times committed self-injury. But due to lack of awareness, her family members did not send herfor treatment. However in 2004, when she had very strong urge to end her life,she was finally admitted to a psychiatric ward for treatment. Even though sherealized that she had repeated low moods since 15 years old, she never sought professional help. She tried to cope by reading motivational and religious books. However all were in vain. "Please get professional help early!" emphasized the Sister, who is on treatment for Bipolar Depression. Even now and then, she has unpleasant thoughts and feelings. She is aware of them and reminds herself,"I must keep myself busy in doing work, e.g. jogging and charity work. Thebad feeling will come and go eventually." Another Sister said that after learning techniques in Mindful-Gym, she is more mindful of her thoughts, able to think positively, and response wisely to problems in life. Mindful-Gym is a mindfulness based stress reduction and wellness program organized by BMHA. As for the last Sister,it began with poor concentration in doing things, lost of interest inactivities that she used to like, excessive fear without reasons, reluctance to talk, feeling moody and sad. Ms. Mi Yen explained that a lot of people cannot accept the fact that they are having depression. This is worsen by social stigma and wrong views about depression. Kindness from friends and family members is therapeutic and it facilitates acceptance. We also need to understand that acceptance is not an on-off switch - it is a gradual process.People may need to go through stages of shock or disbelieve, anger, blaming before final acceptance. Venerable Kumara added a witty remark to that, "If you cannot accept, at least accept that you cannot accept." When asked how they wish they can be supported by their friends and family, they said, "a listening ear and smiling face." Physical touch with care, e.g. holding hands,hugging, a pat on the shoulder also meana lot to them. In short, kindness,friendship, listening ears are all very meaningful to people suffering with depression; be kind to them and slowly guide them out from the darkness of depression. "People surrounding them must be kind and understanding to them. They do not choose tobe like that, e.g. lack of energy, slow in thinking, not motivated, not productive. The worst thing to tell a person with depression is, 'Why are youso lazy!?" Why do you have to do that to me?! (ignoring the fact that'laziness' is part and parcel of the illness)," reminded Dr. Phang, echoing and championing the voice of hispatients. An audience shared herown experience, "Loving ourselves does not mean that we are selfish. We must love ourselves first, then we are able to love others better. Ms Mi Yen affirmed her view by adding a comment by Ajahn Brahmavamso (Buddhist meditation monk), "When we have worked too hard and are tired of holding a bottle for so long, we should put it down, even for a few minutes; it is always easier when we take it up again - be kind to ourselves." An audience asked if a patient with depression is suitable to practice meditation. Dr. Phang said meditation is only suitable for those with mild depression. For those with severe depression(e.g. suicidal, hearing voices, extremely restless), meditation is not suitable; stabilization with medications and family support are more importantat this phase of the illness. Venerable Kumara shared that for people withmental illness, such as depression, it is better to meditate while walking, asit is easier to practise awareness that way. They can also do that in daily activities, e.g. sweeping the floor, exercising, washing. It is important thatwe do not use meditation as an avoidance strategy to run away from life problems, stressed Ven. Kumara. Another audience asked if depression is genetically inherited. Dr Phang said, "Yes," but it is not 100 percent. That is why some people with family history of depression donot get it. There are many things that we can do to influence gene expression and prevent depression. Related to that, someone asked Venerable Kumara on whether depression is due to past kamma? "If you're referring to something you did in the past life, I honestly don't know. What we experience now is a result of past conditions. We can't change that. What's important though is how we relate with what is happening now. That's the new kamma that would make all the difference. For example, if we regard depression with kindness, then that's good kamma, that is a condition for the healing of depression," commented Venerable Kumara. It is so inspiring to see several audience openly shared their journey with depression - they are socourageous! By the end of the forum, the shadows of depression were transformed into melody of kindness, hope and wisdom - it is truly wonderful. I am so grateful for the opportunity to attend this forum. Thank you. You can also view the report from the attachment or BMHA's blog. Kindly circulate this to those who may benefit from the program. All are welcome . Have a joyful day & thank you. This wellness program is brought to you by: Transforming Problems, Discovering Happiness! Mudita, Dr. Phang Cheng Kar President, BMHA BMHA Website BMHA Facebook Coming BMHA activities (subjected to law of uncertainty) Mindful-Gym Relaxation REST-Shop (June & November intake, Brickfields Maha Vihara) Talk: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (Dr. Phang, 28/7/2012, Sentul Buddhist Temple, 8pm) Talk: Abhidhamma for Mental Health (Bro. Rob Moult, 29/9/2012, Sentul Buddhist Temple, 3pm) Talk: Neurasthenia - A Traditional Medicine Perspective (Dr. Ai Sim, 27/10/2012, Sentul Buddhist Temple, 3pm) T-Lotus S.A.D. (Stress, Anxiety & Depression) Support Group is meeting monthly & welcoming more members to benefit from the support group. - For further information, kindly contact Sis. Kim Yeok - kyyeoh_55@yahoo.com.sg A brief introduction of BMHA: Kuala Lumpur Buddhist Mental Health Association (BMHA) was established on 1/3/2010 for promoting mental health in the Buddhist community through Buddhist psychology & Buddhism-influenced psychotherapies. Objectives of BMHA: To provide guidelines on principles, standards and ethics for the practice of Buddhism-influenced Counseling and Psychotherapy. To offer opportunities for professional training and development of its members in Buddhism-influenced Counseling and Psychotherapy. To promote education and practice of Buddhism-influenced Counseling and Psychotherapy in the community. To collaborate with and support other Buddhist organizations that will benefit from Buddhism-influenced Counseling and Psychotherapy. To facilitate research related to Buddhism-influenced Counseling and Psychotherapy.