Surviving Relationship

• Relationship here means relationship with ourselves/ own mind, parter, kids, relative & friends.
• 3 ring of marriage 1)engagement ring. 2)wedding ring 3)suffe'ring'
• In the first year of marriage , the husband listen to the wife.In the second year of marriage the wife listen to the husband.In the third year of marriage the neighbour listen to both of them.
• Married man will have married man's suffering.Single woman will have single woman's suffering. Nun will have nun's suffering. It is justthe changes is in the flavour of suffering. Once there is  a woman who want to divorce, while her younger sister can't find a right man to be married. Ajahn suggested them to 'swap'
• In marriage ceremony, Ajahn use to told the both the bridegroom and bride. From this moment, you must't think of yourself or your partner. If think of oneself it is selfish. If think of partner only, it is selfless. Both way will never work Instead should think of 'us'.It is 'our' problem,both side must solve together, working together on how to work forward.
•  Not blaming each other, as in a blame game, nobody will win. His master,Ajahn Cha once said: “Blaming other people is like having an itch on your head and scratching your bum.” 
• To have harmony in our life & have win-win situation for all.
• Ajahn suggest we have 'forgiveness ceremony' every year to write these words & give to others.
• 'For the past 12 months, if my action, speech or thinking have deliberately or unintentionally hurt you.  Please give your forgiveness.I should not have done all these to cause you pain. I am a human,  I make mistake too.
• During Q&A session, Ajahn was asked'How many time a wife should forgive a man who have adultery?' Ajahn answered 'Always 1 more time. As the past was done. Forgiveness is investment for your future.
• If your kids do not tell you anything. Ma be they afraid will be scolded or punished by you as they know the truth is not valued.
• If you have 'manager from hell' in your office. Think like this. You just live with them 8-9 hours daily. They also treated themselves by the way they treated you. hence, must be compassionate. 
• When you are honest with yourself, nothing can't be solved.
• No one is perfect, everyone make mistake. Peace within yourself is more important.Why care who is right?
• What is most important during meditation is the relationship with what you experienced If you fall asleep, allow it to be. Let it be, don't get angry.
• be patience/ be gentle/be kind/ be peace with your mind. No matter what you experienced.How you relate to the object of meditation is more important.
• Whatever you do, who ever you turn up, the door of my heart will always open to you.
• Forgive then encourage their goodness via positive reinforcement, eg via praise. Just like training dolphin. When they make mistake, we don't punished.When they make improvement, we reward them with fish. Ajahn suggest to use same technique to train husband. Eg husband come back early, have party. If kids can't find his clothes, don't scold, just ignore him. When he found his clothes, give him a  big hug & kiss.He will not keep on finding his clothes again
• People likes to judge us. So we need to choose nice words to be listened, ignore those unkind words.
• Relationship is very fragile. Hence we must care without attachment as we are going to be separated one day. eg:"Thank you for being my friend, see you next time"
• Keep memories of happy moment.Let go of painful memories.
• Lead simple life & retire younger.We are bombarded by advertisement to spent,hence may buy something that we don't need. To counter react, we should go temple more often , as no advertisement & it is free.
• It is about 10pm, Ajahn asked is there any questions from the floor. A dog barked 3 times & broke the silence. Ajahn said 'Well, I think it is time to end the talk As the barking in dog language is Sadhu(x3).

Talk by Ajahn Brahm at Wat Chetawan on 19.12.2010